I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
