Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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