If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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