I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
