wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
