Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
