who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
