can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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