I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
