My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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