Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
