One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
