Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
