Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
