I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
