I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
