the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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