He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
