Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize