I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
