I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
vagina is talking i cant
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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