Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
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