yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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