I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
