I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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