i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
