wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
