Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
