So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
