my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
