I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
