May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
