OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
