So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
