new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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