Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
