the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
