i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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