I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
