So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
