I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
