dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
