I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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