he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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