My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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