I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
