just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Boobs speak an international language.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize