we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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