i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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