Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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