You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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