omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
