i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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