you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
