Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got chris browned last night
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
