It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
