I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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