Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
