Yo dont text me then not text me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
