she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
