Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
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you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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