I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
