We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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