MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
