we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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