The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
