he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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