I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
