cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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